Records and Rules are Made for Breaking
Here’s what you need to know on April 24, 2019. Learn it, live it, recite it to someone else to sound cool. We’re back and we’re coming in hot!
CHIEFS MAKE CHIEF DECISION
SO IT WENT LIKE THIS…
The Seattle Seahawks dealt franchise tagged Defensive End Frank Clark to the Kansas City Chiefs in exchange for the Chiefs’ first round draft pick this year (29th overall) and one of their two second round picks in 2020. The teams will also swap third round draft picks. Clark’s new deal with the Chiefs is inked for five years, 105.5 million with 63.5 million guaranteed.
Oooooh weeee! Frank Clark is a big, rich man. His overall deal is worth .5 million more than DeMarcus Lawrence was given by the Dallas Cowboys just a few weeks ago. America’s Team, my ass.
Basically, Seattle wanted to keep Clark, who’s logged 36 sacks in his first four seasons (including a team-high of 14 last year in addition to four forced fumbles and an interception), so naturally they slapped a franchise tag on him because apparently that’s what we do with good players now. Clark held off on signing the tag, worth 17.158 million, in hopes of signing a long term deal with a little more job security. I know, I know, the nerve.
For the Chiefs especially, this is an epic signing, considering how pathetic their defense was last year (31st overall, allowing 6488 yards, which is probably how many their offense put up on like, that one Monday). Their offseason moves have been almost entirely focused on mitigating that issue, with the most notable upgrades coming in the form of safety Tyrann Mathieu and, now, big rich Frank Clark.
NFL: National Football League, 32 teams, 1,696 players.
Frank Clark: Seattle Seahawks 2015 second round draft pick.
Franchise Tag: How to keep an unrestricted free agent for a year without giving him a long term deal or paying him what he wants/is worth.
Defensive End: Big, huge, monster man at the end of the Defensive Line. Several responsibilities. Stop. Contain. Kill.
Tyrann Mathieu: The Honey Badger! Straight outta DBU (aka Louisiana State, aka defensive back university).
OH NO, ODELL
SO IT WENT LIKE THIS…
On Monday night, star NFL Wide Receiver Odell Beckham, Jr. tweeted a series of responses to an article claiming he was the source of a “culture problem” for his former team, the New York Giants. In short, Giants GM Dave Gettleman implied that trading Beckham to the Cleveland Browns alleviated their team issues, so OBJ responded via Twitter – taking jabs at the Giants organization as a whole.
When Beckham got traded from the Giants to the Browns earlier this NFL offseason, it sent what might as well have been literal shockwaves through the league, and not just because all of the sudden the Browns looked reeeeeal good. But one of the worst teams in the league willingly gave up their best player, and it didn’t make sense. Because, as Beckham pointed out Monday, Gettleman had always said of OBJ, “we didn’t sign him to trade him.” So… what happened?
So, ok, Odell STAYS feeling himself, and with good reason (the dude kills), but let’s not slap an AB sticker on OBJ and call it a day quite yet. He never sold his teammates out on social media; he never live streamed a closed team meeting for likes; he never quit on his squad in week 17 in a crucial must-win sitch; and, not positive, but pretty sure he never dyed his mustache blonde (this is a crime against humanity so it’s relevant). Bottom line: you can gas yourself up AND still put the team first. They’re not mutually exclusive.
OBJ knows this, so he went off. Most notably in his Twitter rant, he said he wants to win “BADDDD,” and if that means he’s a cancer to a team that’s ok with losing, then so be it. Shots. Fired (he said that, too – verbatim).
OBJ: Former New York Giants and current Cleveland Browns receiver, Odell Beckham, Jr.
Wide Receiver: The one who catches footballs, sometimes with one hand.
AB: Former Pittsburgh Steelers and current Oakland Raiders
diva receiver, Antonio Brown. Check the stache.
ERIC BYRNES IS BURNIN’ WORLD RECORDS
SO IT WENT LIKE THIS…
Tuesday morning, retired MLB player Eric Byrnes became a Guinness World Record holder when he finished 420 holes of golf in 24 hours. His feat started on Monday morning on the Ocean Course at Half Moon Bay Golf Links in California, and wrapped up at 5:31am PST on Tuesday morning.
Why play a blazing (puff, puff) 420 (puff, puff) holes of golf in 24 hours? For the kids, of course! Byrnes is the Founder of the Let Them Play Foundation, which encourages kids to get active outdoors and helps raise money for lost Physical Education programs in schools.
Byrnes’s badassery went into full effect last year when he completed his first Transcontinental Triathlon. Yup, you read that right. Homie swam for 7 miles across the San Francisco Bay (Pacific sharks and all), Biked 2,400 miles from Oakland to Chicago (through endless Nebraska corn fields – you couldn’t pay us), and ran 905 miles to New York City (who RUN New York now, Jay?) in 56 days. This came after he completed numerous Ironman Triathlons. AND numerous Ultramarathons. WHAT. WHAT. Again, WHAT.
Really, the only thing cooler than Byrnes’s new world record is the official empirical evidence that it does NOT take five hours to play a quick 18 holes. Taking one for the team, Tarah Byrnes. Mic Drop it on ‘em.
MLB: Major League Baseball (you knew this one!).
Eric Byrnes: 43 years ripe. Retired Outfielder. Played 11 seasons in the MLB, for 5 different teams.
Outfielder: Plays in the grassy area of the baseball field, you know, where the Angels are.
Ironman Triathlon: A long distance triathlon consisting of a 2.4 mile swim, a 112 mile bike ride, and a marathon (26.22 miles).
Ultramarathon: A marathon, but like, longer… 42.195 miles to be exact. Phew.
Tarah Byrnes: Eric’s wife.